TheLastManInAmerica

We’ve all heard that maxim before. But we’re not talking about the Iraq War here, we’re talking about John McCain’s haphazard choice of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his vice presidential running mate.

Her interview with CBS’ Katie Couric, which was so awful I thought the answer to the bailout question Tina Fey gave while portraying her on SNL was made up strictly for comedy’s sake, has led a conservative columnist to call for her to remove herself from the GOP ticket.

Kathleen Parker, of nationalreview.com, who is herself a former Palin supporter, said Friday, “Only Palin can save McCain, her party and the country she loves. She can bow out for personal reasons…Do it for you country.”

Republicans in support of Palin say the complaints are coming from “intellectual” conservatives. What, you mean people who are smart enough to see through this bullshit excuse for a vice presidential candidate? People who are wise enough to know this was purely a political move aimed at stealing female votes, is that what you mean by ”intellectual”? 

Nevertheless, McCain is not getting off that easy. This is the strategy he played and there’s no going back on it now. If he thought gender was enough to outweigh the inexperience of someone he met once prior to nominating them for vice president then that’s his problem. In chess once you take your fingers off of the piece you just moved your forced to stick with it, for better or ill. As it is now, McCain is in check and he has to figure his own way out. 

That’s right, everyone. The Obama campaign is stoked on Sarah Palin, especially her debating skills. The spokesman for Democratic vice presidential candidate Joe Biden called the Alaska governor “a leviathan of forensics,” with Obama’s chief strategist David Axelrod adding, “She’s very skilled and she’ll be well prepared.”

Oh yeah, they’re feeling Sarah Palin over there at the Obama camp. I’ve actually heard rumors that they are going to call it quits now just so they don’t have to suffer the embarrassment of defeat. C’mon! In a political campaign full of political moves any free-thinking person knows this is just another.

The Obama campaign is only doing this because, in truth, Palin couldn’t debate Joe Biden if he were deaf and dumb. They merely want to raise the expectations for her, lift her up so when she does fall, it will that much harder when she hits. Hell, she can’t even state her point of view on a topic without John McCain having to retract her statements and deliver her “real” position. Come Thursday, we will get to see this “leviathan” at work as she takes her place at the podium like a cow being lead to slaughter, or should I say pig?

With her limited interviews and a total of thirty seconds speaking to reporters on the campaign trail, what many have assumed is perhaps proving to be true: the McCain camp is afraid of Sarah Palin speaking.

Following her disastrous interview with Katie Couric, the Alaska Governor and Republican vice presidential nominee put a scare into her running mate when, in Philadelphia, a Temple graduate student asked if the U.S should cross the border into Pakistan and she replied, “If that’s what we have to do to stop terrorists from coming any further in, absolutely, we should.”

The problem with this? This happens to be a position favored by Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama and one that was criticized by his Republican counterpart John McCain. Obama said if high level al-Qaeda operatives were working within Pakistan and the country was “unable or unwilling to act” than the U.S. should. McCain considered this a call to attack the country.

So how does he handle this? By stating her position for her. He told ABC’s George Stephanopoulos, “She understands and has stated repeatedly that we’re not going to do anything except in America’s national security interests.” He also rescinded her statements by saying, “I don’t think most Americans think that’s a definitive policy statement from Governor Palin.”

Really? Did she not just say that? Did she not state that as her position? It certainly looks as though she did. I’m now wondering if, following the debate with Joe Biden, when she is forced to give her position on a number of crucial issues, the McCain camp will have to do an exorbitant amount of damage control if and when she puts her foot in her mouth and gives a point of view contradictory to her party, or one that is just plain absurd. 

A 61 year-old Kentucky man visited a doctor to have a circumcision performed and woke up to find he no longer had his penis.

Phillip Seaton and his wife are suing Dr. John Patterson and the medical practice for the incident citing “a loss of service, love and affection.” He is also seeking unspecified punitive damages from Patterson and the practice.

Phillips was getting the circumcision to better treat inflammation and while he was under the good doc thought he detected cancer and removed Phillips’ penis without consent. Think about that. You go to sleep thinking you’re getting a very common procedure done and you wake up to find your manhood missing. They are, in my opinion, very forgiving, given what happened. I would be seeking full retribution, that would see nothing less than me personally removing Dr. Patterson’s reproductive organs.   

29 seconds. Not since my first sexual encounter have I heard of an exchange being so brief. Then came Sarah Palin and her lightning round with reports following her on the campaign. Ever elusive with the media, her handlers granted journalists half a minute to ask the vice presidential running mate of John McCain questions (four in all) on such topics as the war on terror and the economic bailout working its way through Congress. 

She has given only three interviews to major news networks since being named the vice presidential nominee for the GOP ticket and this is her first time speaking to reporters since that day. So you think she’d give them a little more time, right? According to press representatives for McCain-Palin, they had intended to but attributed the brevity to “a mixup, a miscommunication among staff.”

But you know, that excuse wouldn’t work for my premature ejaculation and it’s not going to work here. CNN media critic Howard Kurtz says he has never seen a “presidential or vice presidential candidate so inaccessible to the national media.”

And why do you suppose that is? Take a look at her trying to explain her foreign policy experience to Katie Couric, she looks like Porky Pig (uh-oh! did I say that?)! It’s just pathetic. And with each passing day McCain’s choosing of Palin becomes more and more transparent.

But soon she will have nowhere to hide; October 2nd will see her face to face with Joe Biden in the vice presidential debate. It will be unscripted and she will be at the whim of her wit, it’s the ultimate in Reality TV. We’ll finally get to see what she’s really made of as the tough questions are hurled at her like Mike Piazza going up against Roger Clemens; if she’s not careful, she might get one upside her head. 

Today the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals asked ice cream giant Ben and Jerry’s to start using human breast milk for their frozen treats as opposed to dairy from cattle. According to a press release on PETA’s website, the request comes on the heels of a report that Swiss restaurant owner will begin purchasing breast milk from nursing mothers to substitute %75  of cow’s milk in the food he serves. They say it would also “lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies.” Now let me ask a question - When will PETA fuck off?

To want to stop mistreatment of animals is fine but what we’re talking about here is sustenance. And it just so happens that for thousands of years Man has bred and raised livestock for the sole purpose of feeding himself. It’s called the Food Chain and Man is at the top.And where does PETA suppose Ben and Jerry’s go to get the lactating women to produce thousands of gallons of milk needed every week to fill their orders? And who do they suppose will buy a product that is made with some random woman’s tit juice? Seriously!? Hepatitis anyone?

And where do they get off saying cows suffer from being milked? It’s well known that a cow suffers if they are NOT milked. And to imply that the enough milk is not going to the calves is absurd. No breeder of cattle would underfeed his stock and risk the future of his enterprise. 

To summarize, Michael Vick’s exploits were torture, the milking of cows is not.

Every move of PETA’s is more brazen and more immature than the last. Just a few weeks ago the group began sending out puppy body bags to enlighten people that when they purchase pets in a store, they sentence those in shelters to death. I think it’s time that PETA does what they truly want and start a free-range commune somewhere out in the country. There they could live with and love all animals, all the while bleating and lowing, “Four legs good, two legs bad!”         

The headline says: “Palin meeting with world leaders.”

There are nine that she will be meeting with in the span of 30 hours. They include Iraqi President Jalal Talabini, Columbian President Alvaro Uribe former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger and U2 frontman Bono.

Bono? Are you serious? I know he’s very involved in humanitarian efforts and has won a Nobel Peace Prize and everything but is he really that important that he would be on a vice presidential nominee’s short list of people to meet with? 

I don’t know, maybe I’m just biased because I think his music is incredibly overrated, but aren’t there others that are of higher stature, maybe a REAL world leader, that have a better understanding of world issues than Bono? I’m sure he’d be able to give great insight into the AIDS epidemic in Africa but what about trying to mend ties with Russia? What about someone with an opinion on how to fix the economic crisis we’re facing? Or someone with ideas on halting nuclear proliferation? Will Bono be able to help with these problems?  

A rape victim pays a hefty price already. I can’t imagine the emotional toll one must face when they are the victim of rape but what’s almost harder to imagine is that they would have to pay to verify their claim.

Well, that’s just the kind of practice the town of Wasilla, Alaska took part in while Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin was mayor there. Victims there had their insurance billed for the $1,000 kits required to examine them.

It is believed that Palin had no knowledge of the charges which is interesting considering the police chief of the town of 7,000 fought tooth and nail to keep the state from passing legislation to stop cities from charging victims.

Some compared the examination kits to police dusting for fingerprints, which is a great analogy. Imagine your house being burglarized and then having to pay for them investigating the scene of the crime. Now imagine being brutally violated, sustaining massive amounts of physical and mental harm and having to pay to have police investigate.

Wasilla police chief Charlie Fannon, after the law to stop charging victims passed, complained that it would cost the city $5,000 to $14,000 a year which is money they’d have to find. Well, Chief, I’m sorry your little town is so dangerous for women and crawling with so many rapists but perhaps if you were doing your job a little better, it wouldn’t be costing you so much.

And if it’s true that Palin had no knowledge of the charges or the fight her own chief of police was putting up to continue charging victims, how can she really be expected to know what’s going on in the country if she’s is to become vice president? 

 Seahawks 37, Rams 13

In one word: Domination. The Seattle Seahawks were in danger of going into their bye week winless and staring the seaso 0-3 for the first time since ‘02. But in their second straight home game they faced a familiar foe, their divion rival St. Louis Rams, a team that has been their punching bag for several seasons now.

Having started 0-2, due in large part to a decimated receiving core, the Seahawks needed a spark to gain some momentum before getting the week off and a couple of injured starters back on the field. And it appeared as though a different team had suited up in Seahawk Blue on Sunday as every facet of the team executed as they were expected to the first two weeks of the season.

Despite yet another injured receiver, this time it was recently signed veteran pass catcher and former Seahawk Koren Robinson who went down in practice with a knee injury, the aerial attack seemed to finally hit their stride as Matt Hasselbeck went 12-20 (%60) for 172 yards (14.3 per) and 1 touchdown. He connected with Billy McMullen and young guys Michael Bumpus and first round pick John Carlson for most of those receptions, indicating perhaps they’ve finally got a feel for each other.

The real spot of the offense, however, was the ground attack. Julius Jones and T.J. Duckett, both first-year Hawks, had great games as they slashed and pounded the Rams’ defense for a total of 219 yards. Jones looked great as he carried the ball 22 times for 140 yards (6.3 yards per) and 1 touchdown. And when the Rams were catching their breath after chasing Jones down, the Seahawks unleashed Duckett, who bulldozed them for 79 yards on 19 carries (4.1 per) and 2 touchdowns.

The defense also did well as they held St. Louis to 240 total net yards. Marc Bulger managed 18 completions on 31 attempts (%58) with 184 yards (10.2 per) with 1 touchdown and 1 interception which was picked off by Deon Grant. Pro Bowl running back Stephen Jackson totaled just 66 yards on 23 carries (2.8 per). The only bright spot for the Rams’ offense was a 21 yard touchdown pass to Dane Looker in the third quarter as they were bested in time of possession by nearly ten minutes 25:02-34:58.

This is the team’s seventh straight victory over the Rams and with it the Seahawks finally have the momentum they’ve been looking for and it couldn’t come at a better time. They now head into their bye week with an outright dominant showing and are looking to get WRs Bobby Engram and Deion Branch back from injuries in the off week before heading to the Meadowlands for a showdown with defending champs NY Giants.  

Seahawks (1-2-0) Rams (0-3-0)

A tortillia, a kittens fur, a cheetah, even a cheeto, these are a just a few of the places that Jesus Christ has been spotted; even his mother has been spotted in a grilled cheese sandwhich. Now the Man-God for which the religion was named after is being spotted in a weight loss center in Kansas.The water-stained ceiling panel, which actually looks more like Snoop Dogg with his hair down, peers down on the patrons of the women’s facility in the town of Arkansas.

I am tired of hearing these stories and listening to people jabber on about how inspiartional it is. It’s a fucking stain! This diety is not hanging around in a weight loss center to be gazed upon while you’re on your back doing crunches, giving you the motivation to get in that last set. He is not in a tortillia, smothered in cheese and ground beef, waiting to be gobbled down by some random Taco Bell customer.

These are only optical illusions. Perhaps that same logic that would make someone be inclined to believe in a higher power would compell them to believe a stain could be their diety. But common sense would teach you that, if anything at all, it’s a great coincidence. But even so, how do you know what Jesus looked like? It may look like the Christian interpritation of him but not what someone from the Middle East looks like. I’m sure if I dug through my own waste I’d find something with the correct shading to look just like him but do you really think Jesus is hanging around in my shit?